Week Six: Objectives & Goals

Sometimes you can never understand people's pain and why they do what they do. And other times, even years later, you understand completely. It's terrifying. Sometimes the barriers we put up block others out and other times they block ourselves out.

I've been debating all week about which memoir idea I want to explore the most. I'm choosing to write about my recent experience with depression that allowed me to understand it in a way that my fourteen-year-old self didn't. I want to talk about my realization and how it affected my way of  thinking, especially in consideration to the way I handled my close friend's revelation of depression and suicide back in ninth grade. I picked this particular topic because I think that I have the ability to explore a range of emotions and a shift in perspective in life.

From writing about this, I hope to come to terms with my realization. I want to further explore what it means to see a situation differently and to understand it, even years later. I want to capture the uplifting and freeing feeling of finally being able to see past something that affected my life and friendships to much-- back in ninth grade and now in the present. Since the two parts of my life intertwine so much, I want them to be told so that parallels and understandings can be drawn between them.

I want readers to be able to look at mental illness in a more open-minded way. Specifically, from my story, I want them to be able to look at people in their lives and their struggles with a different perspective. I'm hoping that people will see change and hope.

When writing this memoir, details I don't want to include are specifics about my friends and her struggles in ninth grade. Although she is important to the story, it's not her story. And it's not my place to tell her story. I also don't need to include what my life was like in ninth grade outside of that particular incident or my life between then and my realization. It's not important to the ultimate goal of my story.

Week Five: It's Not Really About Me

When thinking of memoir ideas, I was put at a complete standstill. I had a hard time trying to decide what something in my life was that was worth telling and that would be a learning experience. I had to really look at my life and set apart some important, yet unique, parts of me.

Idea One: The Cat Story. I've already written a shot post about "The Cat Story," but there is so much more to it. In a little over one year, my family fostered and took care of twenty-two cats-- thirteen of which started off as kittens. Training and raising cats is a world of its own and the experience changed our dynamic as a family.
Cathartic Statement: Raising a fleet of homeless kittens is difficult, but when your family has your back, it's just a little bit easier, if not more chaotic. And when you have to rely on those family members, it brings you just a little bit closer together.

Idea Two: A Friend. In ninth grade, I learned that one of my best friend tried to kill herself. At fourteen, I couldn't understand what any of it meant. I could never fathom what depression was like for her. Now, years later as my life is further affected by depression, I'm starting to realize what she went through. I'm starting to look at our friendship and how her admittance of a suicide attempt changed it.
Cathartic Statement: Sometimes you can never understand people's pain and why they do what they do. And other times, even years later, you understand the pain completely. It's terrifying. Sometimes the barriers we put up block other out and other times they block ourselves out.

Idea Three: Baldwin Kids. I teach creative writing at a community center in Pontiac, called the Baldwin Center. Teaching there has been such a learning experience for myself. I work with little girls that are loving and intelligent, who just need mentors in their lives. Yet, they are the ones that tech me to be hopeful, creative, and carefree-- just I used to be when I was their age.
Cathartic Statement: Sometimes, just being a constant, reliable part of someone's life is enough to make a difference in their lives. Being in someone's life make it easier for that person to open up to you and to show their true selves. And when you see someone's true self, it can inspire you in many different ways-- especially when it means getting to feel like a kid again.